


Call To Mind

by TinderWulf



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-17 14:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16976241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinderWulf/pseuds/TinderWulf
Summary: With the war won, Commander Jane Shepard is left to recover and deal with the effects of PTSD while worrying on the whereabouts of her missing crew and ship.She had hopes, dreams, for life after the war. Children, love...But war is a cruel mistress.Or was it a blessing in disguise?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to my favorite beta ever, Melpomene21! I couldn't do this without you. Your edits bring so much life to my fics.
> 
> * * *

It was hard to look intimidating in a wheelchair, but with the way the Captain was sweating, it seemed like she hadn’t lost her skill while lying in the medbay.

With the Citadel hospitals overwhelmed and supplies limited, Shepard had been forced to stay on Hackett’s Alliance frigate for her lousy medical needs. _David will be pissed if I don’t oversee your care, Jane._

“I’m sorry, Commander,” the Captain said. “With so many people on board I have to double up on accommodations.”

“You will not put someone with me.”

“Is there a problem?” A new voice asked as he entered the room, likely taking in Shepard’s face and the Captain’s fear.

“I was just explaining to the Commander that she’ll have a roommate,” Captain Wallers said, his eyes pleading for Hackett to get him out of the situation.

“And I so kindly told him to go fuck himself,” Shepard growled. “If I _have_ to have a roommate, it’ll be Hackett.”

“Why are you so against a roommate, Shepard?” Hackett asked. Shepard was sure there was amusement laced in his voice but she was too busy staring down the Captain to look.

“I just barely survived hell and I have nightmares,” she admitted. “If this dumbass sticks someone I don’t know in my room that tries to pull me from my dreams, I will kill them.”

“Who are you putting with her?” Hackett asked.

“Lieutenant Commander Johnson,” he answered causing Shepard to snort.

“You mean to have me bunk with a man that can’t keep his eyes above my neckline? Have you noticed I’m stuck in a fucking wheelchair?” Shepard growled as she leaned forward in her chair, ignoring the twinges of pain. “If I have to see that man more than I already do, I won’t hesitate to put him in his place.”

The Captain swallowed visibly. “What do you mean?”

“Castration with biotics or my teeth, I’m not picky.”

Hackett sighed. Shepard could see him pinch the bridge of his nose in her peripheral vision. “Shepard will stay with me. I suggest you put Johnson with another male.”

“Yes, Sir,” the Captain said before leaving in a hurry.

“Was that entirely necessary, Commander?” Hackett asked tiredly.

“Yes. Where are your quarters?”

Shepard looked at her omnitool as it lit up with a nav point. “I’ll come help you pack.”

“I’m broken not a fucking invalid,” she told him angrily.

“That language is unbefitting a lovely young woman,” Hackett told her with a smirk.

“Fuck you.”

Hackett sighed, his reply softer. “Shepard, let me help you.”

“You want to help? Find Miranda Lawson,” she told him heatedly. Pity was the last thing she wanted. “Find my fucking ship and my crew.”

Seven months since the end of the war and communications were only just now coming back up. With the relay’s down…

She hoped her crew was alive.

With an internal sigh, she left the meeting room and made her way towards the elevator. She’d been in her small quarters for less than a month. It was cramped and hard to move her chair around in, but it was still better than a hospital bed.

All she had to move was some clothing. That was it. Everything she owned was on the _Normandy_ and in her apartment on the Citadel. The clothing was Alliance issued, not even hers.

Gods, she missed David. She’d thought for sure that he was dead. But Hackett had told her he was in an Earth military hospital in Germany. They’d managed to stabilize him, but until they had access to better medical supplies, they’d had to put him in a medically induced coma. She wasn’t sure she could live with the guilt if he died.

* * *

The apartment she would be residing in was pretty small. Not what she expected for an Admiral, but then he’d always been pretty humble. At least from what little she saw of him personally. It looked like a one bedroom. She had assumed as much. The couch looked comfortable, so she decided that she would bunk there. There had been worse places she’d slept.

It was still better than the medbay.

Laying her small duffle bag on the coffee table, she lined her chair up to move to the couch.

According to the doctors, there were problems with her bones and implants. They didn’t exactly know what, but Shepard thought that maybe there had been some reaper tech inside of her. She definitely wouldn’t put it past the Illusive Man to fill her with enemy parts. Fragile bones were being held together by heavy bone weaves. That was the only thing keeping her from becoming a permanent medbay resident.

Then there was her eyes. She still had vision, but it was all in gray tones. There were no more colors, hell, she didn’t even know if her eyes held the same green color since all her implants weren’t working properly. Her hearing came and went making everything sound like a tunnel before it righted. It was disorienting and sometimes nauseating.

Her body was failing, she could feel it. The implants would eventually stop working all together. After all the hell of the last few years, she would die slowly as her body began to shut down. Miranda was her only hope. And even that hope was overshadowed by the possibility that these could be her last months.

\--

_Hackett: Have you settled in?_

_Shepard: Isn’t this abusing the comm network?_

_H: Yes._

_S: Look at the big bad Admiral skirting the rules._

_H: Jane…_

_S: Just got settled on the couch, thank you._

_H: I’ll sleep on the couch, you take the bedroom._

_S: Too late, already called dibs on the couch. But...we could share the bed ;)_

_H: Shepard, you’re injured._

_S: Miranda was on Earth last I heard from her before I activated the Crucible. I suggest you find her unless you want a dead Spectre on your couch._

_H: It’s that serious? The doctors didn’t say it was life threatening._

_S: My implants are failing, my body will follow._

_H: Okay, I’ll take care of it. I’ll be home soon. Hackett out._

_S: Jeez, do you have to end every conversation we ever have with that?_

_H: Yes, Hackett out._

_S: Fine. Shepard out._

* * *

Quiet music slowly brought her out of a rather pleasant dream. One filled with home cooked meals and the feeling of happiness. It was almost bittersweet to open her eyes and _not_ see her home on Mindoir.

Instead, Hackett was working in the kitchen. The savory scent of food filled her nostrils as old music drifted softly around her. His uniform was tossed on top of her bag with his hat. He must have checked on her as soon as he got in. She almost felt bad for telling him she was slipping away.

The anger she had been feeling earlier had mostly faded. It wasn’t like she could control her situation. It just made her livid that she was falling apart when there was finally more time to relax.

She sat up slowly, her body fighting against her. Closing her eyes, she inhaled and exhaled through the pain before opening them again to grab her chair. But Hackett was there, his hands already moving in to help her stand. She wanted to slap them away, but he _was_ sharing his space with her. She could swallow her pride for her long-time friend.

“Ready?” He asked her gently. With her nod, he helped her stand then carefully turned before slowly depositing her into the chair. “Hungry?” If he felt the bones under his hands he didn’t say anything.

She really wasn’t, but she knew she needed the calorie intake. “Yeah, but not much.”

“Don’t biotics eat a lot?” _Maybe he did notice._

“Yes, but I have a dampener in.” She still required more calories, but he didn’t need to know she had no appetite.

Dinner was quiet. Almost romantic which nearly made her snort. But if she did, then she’d have to explain. One does not explain innocent infatuations. Especially to their superior officer.

“I’m told Johnson was pretty upset when he arrived to your old quarters to find them empty,” Hackett told her while he cleared their plates.

“Seeing how he’s been trying to get me into bed for the last three months, I’m not surprised.” It wasn’t like sex was an option at the moment. Not with her body hurting all the time and her bones barely holding together.

“Three months?” He asked as he pulled an aluminum pan from the fridge.

“Yeah, he doesn’t like to be told no I guess.”

“What _does_ it take to get you into bed?” Hackett asked as he began cutting.

“Class,” she replied dryly. “I can get laid anytime I want, except now obviously. I could break in half.”

“But you want more?” He asked, seeming to ignore the last few words.

“If I survive, yes.” And she did. She wanted everything. “Marriage, kids, if I can even have them. Speaking of, do you know how Wrex and Grunt are?”

“No, but I can find out,” he answered as he brought her a slice of cheesecake. Real cheesecake, with strawberries. The strawberries weren’t fresh, but it was a wonderful treat regardless.

“Dinner and dessert? You better be careful Admiral or I’ll make you a Shepard,” she teased. His surprised chuckle made her smile.

“The coffee is on,” he told her after a few minutes.

“Well, that does it. We’re getting married,” she joked just as the scent of coffee hit her nose. “Hope you don’t mind a dozen mini Shepard’s running underfoot.”

“A dozen?”

“At least,” she told him with a wink.

It didn’t matter that death was patiently waiting for her. She could feel it. She wasn’t ready, but death never cared about silly things like that.


	2. Chapter 2

The Admiral had rushed home with groceries to find his new roommate perfectly still on the couch. The noise of him dropping the bags and rushing to her side didn’t even make her flinch. But he stood there and watched as her chest rose and fell steadily. No sign of strain on her perfect features as her fingers twitched against the cushion.

With a sigh of relief he dropped his dress uniform jacket and hat on her bag before removing and pocketing the pin Shepard had entrusted him with years ago. 

MRE’s were the meals he usually had every evening, but he knew Shepard enjoyed home cooked meals as often as she could. Growing up a farmer had spoiled her taste buds, she’d told him once. Since then, he’d taken up learning to cook her preferred meals since a lot of them weren’t served outside of Earth. 

The one time he’d made her cheesecake with fresh strawberries had him wondering if he’d done the right thing. Especially when he heard her sobbing on the other side of the door. But she hadn’t been upset with him, in fact her smile towards him had softened further. 

Sometimes it was hard to see the woman and not the angry sixteen year old. Hell, he felt like a dirty old man. If she knew he’d wanted her when he saw her…

When they’d found her on Mindoir, the only thing noticeable was her green eyes. She had been completely covered in mud. Camouflaged from the enemy. It wasn’t until he’d seen a beautiful, muscular redhead in the medbay that his heart had fluttered. Then Karin had told him that was the girl he’d found. Hackett had understood then why she’d covered herself in mud. Pale skin and red hair were hard to hide, even at night. He’d been impressed.

Now though, the woman sleeping on his couch looked nothing like the woman that stole his attention all those years ago. Shepard’s eyes were light gray. He wondered if she knew, but he didn’t want to tell her. Her cheeks were sunk in and he could feel her ribs too well as he helped her get back into the wheelchair. She was starving. 

Did cybernetics control her appetite or food processing? He didn’t know. 

What he did know was that her clothes were too big, likely to hide her starving body purposely. She was suffering from depression and anger. Quite possibly PTSD as well. 

After she’d fallen asleep on the couch, he carefully lifted her and carried her to the lone bed. It was big enough for them both, but with her bones being as fragile as they were, he was worried that one bad dream would have her lashing out against him and Shepard would end up getting injured.

* * *

Coming home to her at the end of his work day was far more enjoyable than he’d imagined. Sometimes he’d find her looking out the observation window, other times she’d have her pretty freckled nose buried in his terminal.

Hackett didn’t want her working, but she refused to sit around. He gave in when she threatened to find work on the ship herself. 

Because of her engineering degree, he’d stuck her in the comm room to go over the information that was coming in about the relays and long range communication. Hackett knew she didn’t want to do anything with the degree, not when it brought up so many buried memories, but he also knew she would take whatever he’d give her since she was ‘stuck in the god-awful chair’. 

“You’re brilliant, Jane,” Hackett told her truthfully as he went over her notes. Her reply was her customary snort anytime anyone gave her a compliment. Like she didn’t believe it. Then she’d continue drinking her coffee on the couch next to him like he hadn’t said anything at all.

Except one night, when he’d relaxed into the couch with his hand on her knee to mentally go over all of her notes and meld them with his own. She thought he was sleeping, he supposed. She carefully ran her fingers over the scar on his face, like she was afraid it still hurt him. 

When her curiosity was fulfilled, she’d let her fingers slide over the stubble on his jaws. She’d asked him once to grow it out so she could see what he looked like but he’d told her it was against the regs. But in actuality, it made him look older. He much preferred the crisper look expected by leadership. But maybe, since they were rebuilding, he’d give into her request and let it grow out some.

For now though, he’d enjoy what private time he got with the woman that made his heart stutter.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been three weeks since she’d moved in with Hackett. Every night he had cooked for her and every night she had told him it was delicious. And it had been. Even if she couldn’t stomach much. 

Then there was his beard. It was thick and white with a little brown mixed in. He growled at her when she played with it, but then he’d sigh as her fingernails gently scratched the skin buried beneath it. She could tell he didn’t care for his beard. When she’d asked him why he grew it out, he’d said it was because she’d requested it once. With no real meetings with leadership, it was the only chance he had to just relax around the regs. It had made her chuckle before she kissed his temple and told him to go shave. She hadn’t known Hackett could move that fast.

Today though, her eyes were bothering her. If she was honest, it had been all week with the blurring. She’d just thought it had been too much time at a terminal going over lines of code. It wasn’t like there were many work options while she was impatiently waiting for any kind of news on Miranda or her ship.

Hackett had heard from Wrex. Both krogan were well and helping on Earth while the salarians and geth tried to get the relay’s operational. Cortez was on another vessel with Jack and her students. Samara was aiding in recovering supplies. Jacob was helping out where he could. Zaeed was with Wrex, which didn’t really surprise Shepard in the least. Any past crew had made themselves useful where they were. It made Shepard proud.

But still no lead on Miranda.

Panic set in as her blink turned her vision black. Fear when the gray tones blinked back slowly. One of the comm specialists must have noticed something was wrong, but her question was lost in the tunnel of hearing.

“I’m sorry what?”

“Are you well, Commander?” the soft words repeated.

“I’m alright,” Shepard lied with a tense smile. “Too much time staring at the screen.”

The lie was easily bought. Shepard said her goodbyes and made her way to her quarters to break down without an audience. Each blink seemed to dim her sight. Not blinking didn’t change the result, much to her dismay.

By the time she made it home, she was near blind. She sat in front of the observation window and cried quietly as the various shades of gray stars turned to an empty void. Her sight was gone. Her gut seized in fear as soon as she realized how vulnerable she was. This small apartment would be her grave.

* * *

“Shepard?” Hackett asked quietly as soon as she heard the door close behind him. The noise made her flinch.

“Have you found Miranda?” She asked roughly.

“No, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t see,” she whispered emotionally, her throat tightening with heartache. “I’m dying.”

“Shit,” she heard him mutter behind her before she heard him activate his omnitool.

Shepard assumed he was sending out orders. But she doubted it would matter. Her implants were shutting down. “It’s too late,” she said softly. “Just let me die this time.”

“No,” he told her, his voice tight as his even steps neared her.

“My hearing will be next. I won’t be able to care for myself.”

“Then I will take care of you, Jane.”

“Can’t be a legend if I’m still alive,” she continued, his words falling on deaf ears. “So I guess it’s fitting. Just make sure my crew knows how much I care about them. They’ve been my family for so long.”

And just like that, what little hope she had was gone. Her body would systematically shut down. Whether it was a week or a month she would die. And her promise to her mother would be broken.

* * *

For twelve days, Hackett was her eyes. Conversation at dinner time was almost nonexistent, both too lost in their own minds, she assumed. It wasn’t like she could look over at him and see.

She missed his smirks. And the way his eyes lit up when she surprised laughter out of him.

“I made you coffee, Shepard,” he told her as he set the cup in front of her and guided her hands to the cups warmth. His hands were rough and warm. Comforting. “No marriage proposal today?”

Shepard snorted. The last few weeks had been heavy to say the least. “You still haven’t answered the last dozen.”

“I’m just waiting for you to realize that you can do better than me,” he quipped. She could hear his smile.

“Yeah, right,” she responded. “ _You_ are way out of my league, Admiral.”

“Says who?”

“Me,” she told him with a smirk before taking a sip from the mug. “Any new rumors I want to know?”

“Other than our insanely kinky affair?”

Shepard laughed despite the constant ache death was bringing. “They say we’re having a kinky affair?”

“Yes.”

“Which of us wears the pants in the relationship?”

“You,” he answered, his voice tight with suppressed humor.

“I believe it,” she teased, his growl making her laugh again. “Everyone knows I don’t take orders well, though I’m not understanding why that makes it kinky.”

“I don’t know either, I didn’t get to hear all of it.”

After dinner, Hackett helped her into bed. It was the same routine every night. Bathroom, bathe, then he’d show her how her clothes went on before he turned his back. Shepard could only tell by the direction his voice came from that he’d turned around to give her some privacy. Once dressed, he’d help her get tucked into bed.

And every night she’d stay awake for what felt like hours. She didn’t know if that much time passed but not being able to see seemed to make time go slower.

“Will you stay until I fall asleep?” She asked when she felt him move from the bed.

“Yes,” he told her.

She carefully scooted closer to the wall before patting the bed next to her. There wasn’t much room in the bed, but it could fit two well enough. “Tell me something about you that isn’t really out in the digital world.”

“Like?”

Shepard moved her head just enough to rest her temple against his forehead. “Anything. The old Shadow Broker didn’t have much when we took him down. Surprising really. I thought he’d want you in his network considering your position.”

“I declined his offer,” he told her, his voice ghosting over her cheek. “I’m a very boring person.”

“I doubt that.” It would seem the Admiral didn’t like to talk about himself. “Where’d you get this scar?” She asked him as she lightly ran her fingers over the raised flesh on his face.

“You really don’t remember, do you?”

 _Remember?_ Her fingers halted when they reached the rough hair on his jaw. “Should I?”

“You’re the one that gave it to me,” he said quietly. “You thought I was a batarian.”

She inhaled sharply, her fingers leaving his face as her fingertips felt like they were burning. _Mindoir._ “Why did you keep it?”

“As a reminder of an incredible young woman,” he answered. “Plus, it’s kind of badass.”

Her chuckle was soft, almost a choked sob. “Sex appeal?” She asked roughly.

“I don’t know about that, but it makes me look scary.”

She hummed as she settled his arm over her waist before resting her arm on top of his. “I’m not scared of you,” she told him sleepily.

“Sex appeal?” He asked, the sound of his smile echoing against her ear.

“Definitely.” She could feel her body being pulled to sleep, and she was tired. She’d been sleeping far more than she was used to. “I don’t want to wake alone, just in case…” she whispered, her hand tightening over his arm.

“I’ll stay,” he told her before she could finish.

_Just in case I can’t hear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually post daily when I have a story going, but I've got unreliable internet right now so please bear with me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Mindoir**

Laughter chased her as her bare feet padded the soft, wet ground.

“Give it back, Jane!”

“You have to catch me first, John!” She called behind her.

The tall, wet grass left streaks on her yellow sundress. This was her favorite time, right after a rain when she could smell the earth that surrounded her. She laughed again when her brother carefully tackled her before taking the datapad out of her hand. His diary.

“You are such a pain.”

“You know all of your secrets are safe with me, baby brother.”

The young man growled. “Only by two minutes.”

Jane smiled. “I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you, too.” John told her before helping her up from the ground. “Mom’s going to be mad, your dress is filthy.”

They walked back towards their house arm in arm as they talked about the homework they had finished hours before. The twins were sixteen and taking college level courses. There were many times Hannah would find them debating heatedly about physics and equations.

The twins never fought, they were adamant about that. They were each other’s biggest cheerleader.

“Dinner!” Their mother called out of kitchen window.

Ben, their dad, waved at them as he made his way into the back door before sweeping their mother up dramatically.

“Do you think we’ll find someone to love us like that?” Jane asked quietly.

“Yes,” John answered, his voice definite. “Come on, let’s wash up. I smell fried chicken.”

Jane laughed as her brother took off in a jog towards the back door. Her baby brother had a small obsession with their mother’s fried chicken.

Dinner in the Shepard household was never tame. The table was filled with food and the air filled with loud conversation. Jane loved it. But not as much as her mother. Hannah had a permanent smile during their meal, her soft chuckles feeling just as loud as the conversation as the rest of them talked animatedly about everything.

The twins cleared the table and washed dishes as their father prepared coffee for his tired wife. It was the sweetest thing Jane got to witness between them. And every night, her mother would whisper declarations of love before proposing to her husband over the rising steam.

Once the dishes were done, John and Jane went upstairs to work on a school project. A science fair. The pair had debated for weeks on what they would do. Physics, John’s love, or Engineering, Jane’s love. They ended up combining both.

The two young Shepard’s wanted to help build ships for the Alliance.

The room was quiet as they both worked hard on their separate assignments that would be melded together later. Only to be disturbed by a loud noise that made their windows shake.

“Jane?”

“That wasn’t thunder,” she whispered, fear quickly filling her veins.

“Let’s move,” John said, his voice tight as he led her down the stairs.

Pirates were an occasional problem. Before Jane could think much of what was happening, gunfire and screams could be heard from their neighbors. Their dad was already loading his shotgun, their mother checking a pistol.

“Get to the woods and hide like we planned,” Hannah told them calmly. Jane nodded but John tried to argue. “Go, the Alliance will be here.”

They hadn’t even made it to the back door when the twins jerked in surprise, theirs hands gripping each other tight as gunfire exploded behind them. “We’ll never make it,” she whispered roughly.

“Go, Jane,” her brother told her. “Don’t look back, just run.”

“I love you,” she cried as he pushed her out of the door.

“I love you too, Big Sister.”

Her bare feet thudded against the ground as her heart raced inside of her. She didn’t get far before loud noises erupted in the house behind her and an alien with sharp teeth blocked her path to the woods.

“I’m going to have fun with you,” the alien told her.

Jane whimpered when an armored hand slapped her across the face, her body hitting the ground hard as the scent of wet nature and iron filled her nose. Before she could flee, she was pushed onto her back as the alien smiled cruelly at her. Its teeth glinting in the moonlight.

“No!” she cried as she tried to fight.

The alien’s four eyes widened as she panicked. Before she could blink, a blue wave of energy flew from her hands that were pushing against the ugly thing trying to restrain her. Then it was gone, thrown back. Jane shuddered as she waited for the alien to move, but it didn’t.

Rising from the ground, she quietly looked the thing over. Blood poured from its mouth and nose, its neck at an awkward angle.

Suddenly she was hit with all the noise around her. Screams and gunfire made bile fill her mouth.

Grabbing the rifle off the ground, Jane ran back to her house. Before she even passed the old wood fence, she saw a familiar form laying in the doorway, blood spilling onto the old worn step. _John_. Tears fell against her will.

Stepping over her dead brother, she carefully made her way through the kitchen to the front of the house. She found her father dead, his face unrecognizable. But her mother was breathing.

“Mom,” Jane said quietly.

“Jane,” the woman returned, her inhales labored. “Turn the safety off. You know how to use a weapon. Defend yourself at all costs. Survive, baby girl.”

“Momma?”

“Promise me.”

“I promise,” Jane told her, her hands holding her mother’s sweet face as Hannah smiled up at her. “I promise,” she repeated. Silent sobs left her as her mother faded in front of her.

Taking a deep breath, she quickly removed her mother’s jewelry before doing the same to her father. She and John had a hiding place for their most favorite trinkets. Their most prized possessions. Now, they would be all Jane had left of her family.

_Jane!_

An odd buzz in her ear nearly made her drop the metal box. But as quickly as it came, it was gone. Survive, that’s what she had to do until help arrived. Just survive.


	5. Chapter 5

“Jane!” Hackett yelled, his hands shaking the woman gently. “Come on, Shepard. Don’t quit on me now.” But there was no reaction. Just a steady inhale and exhale. Activating his comm, he called for medical.

This couldn’t be happening.

Not yet, not just when they were starting to build something together. Not when she gave him so much trust.

“Admiral?”

“In here, she’s unconscious. She won’t wake up,” he told the doctor quickly.

He was pushed out of the room as medical teams arrived. He didn’t want to leave her but he knew he would be in the way.

Opening his comm, he called his Comm Lead. “Any leads on Miranda Lawson?”

[I was contacted by an agent of the Shadow Broker, he said he would contact you directly as soon as he had information,] the man said.

“Thank you, Hackett out.”

_Do you always have to end a conversation with that?_

They’d skirted the line for years. So many years wasting time simply because they followed the rules. Only recently had she begun to let her mask fall completely.

As soon as the medical team cleared the bedroom, Shepard wheeled out on a gurney, Hackett entered the room and dressed. He couldn’t very well go to the medbay in boxers. There was still a role to play regardless of the panic flooding his body.

* * *

“Admiral, I’m not exactly sure what’s going on,” the Doctor reported. “I don’t know what to do here.”

“That’s because you know nothing of her previous medical treatments,” an accented voice said as heeled shoes clicked evenly into the medbay. “Miranda Lawson,” she said in introduction.

“Admiral Hackett,” he said as panic slowly calmed inside of him. “Thank you for coming.”

“Please,” she said, waving her hand as if his gratitude wasn’t necessary. “I owe Shepard far more than I can ever repay.”

Hackett watched as Miranda began to question the doctor while going through Shepard’s treatment aboard the ship.

“This won’t do, Admiral, we need to get to the Citadel,” Lawson told him. “We wait any longer, and there will be _nothing_ I can do.”

Hackett immediately called out orders to his ship captain. Miranda held her omnitool up for authorization to use the comms. He gave it without thought.

Before he could breathe in relief that something outside of his control was being taken care of, they were docking on the Citadel.

“I’ll be staying on the Citadel,” he told the captain quietly. “I can work from there.”

After rushing back to his quarters, he packed a bag before heading out. He’d stay at Shepard’s apartment. Hopefully it was habitable.

* * *

The apartment was a disaster, but there wasn’t time to worry about it. He was just surprised Shepard hadn’t removed him from entry when she took over David’s space. Hackett was sure he was going to have to hack his way in. Dropping his bag inside the door, he caught a functioning transport to Huerta Memorial.

The large room Ms. Lawson had taken over was bustling in activity as equipment was moved into it. Hackett did his best to stay out of the way as he watched as Shepard was hooked up to an impossible amount of machines. It was hard to see such a powerful woman so vulnerable. Only scraps of cloth covered her breasts and lower body while Miranda worked quietly.

“Admiral, perhaps you can get her krogan family as guards?” Miranda asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. “She will need constant security.”

Of course she would. His heart was fogging his brain. “I’ll handle it.”

\--

_Cortez, Commandeer a shuttle and grab Massani, Wrex, Grunt, and whomever they trust for a protection detail on the Citadel. –Admiral Hackett._

_Authorization code for reply: aD99H30P11zS_  
\--  
The reply was immediate.  
\--  
 _Shuttle in possession. Heading to last known location of the three, LCC. The shuttle has no inertial dampeners, you’ll need to tell them to stay put at their base of operations, I can’t message them as I need both hands. –Cortez_  
\--  
 _Massani, locate Wrex and Grunt. I need you three for Shepard’s protection detail. Tell Wrex to gather a few trusted, it’ll be around the clock. Cortez incoming at London base of operations. Meet him there. –Hackett_

_Authorization for reply: aD99H30P11zS_  
\--  
 _We’ll be there. –Z_  
\--

Now all he could do was wait. Ms. Lawson would give him an update as soon as she had one. Work would keep him busy until then. It wasn’t the first time he’d buried himself in work to forget he was hurting.

For hours he worked from the corner of the room, out of the way. His back and neck ached from staring down at his omnitool for so long, but he wasn’t leaving until he knew she would be okay. _If she would be okay._

Every once in a while he looked up to find Miranda leaning over a terminal with a datapad in hand and her omnitool open. Shepard was the center of the room. The center of everything, if he was honest. He briefly wondered if this was how Miranda had everything set up during Lazarus.

“Is there anything you need that isn’t here?” He asked.

“I’ve already let the Shadow Broker know what I need,” the woman answered without looking up from her work. “Do you want the good news or bad news first?”

“The bad,” he answered after a moment of hesitation.

“Until we find all the equipment and resources I need, there is nothing more I can do for her.”

Hackett was quiet as he let the news sink in. All he could do was accept the information. “The good?”

“She’s stabilized.”

“Why isn’t she awake?”

Ms. Lawson sighed. “I don’t know, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out the last hour. All her brains waves appear normal. Though, she seems to be dreaming.” Miranda approached the pale Commander and gently moved hair off of her forehead. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say her brain was rebooting.”

“What do you mean?”

“This happened before, once we got her back and her brain stabilized. I asked her once if she remembered anything while she was sleeping.” The woman placed a sheet over Shepard before meeting the Admiral’s eyes. “She told me she was remembering.”

“Did she say what?”

“From her last day on Mindoir forward. Running from her twin because she’d swiped his diary, dinner with her family. Her mother’s marriage proposals to her father every time he brought her coffee after dinner.” Ms. Lawson turned her icy, warmth filled eyes back to the sleeping redhead. “Doing physics and engineering homework with her brother when slavers invaded. Fighting off a batarian, finding her brother dead where he gave her a chance to flee. Her mother’s pleas for Shepard’s survival.”

“She’s remembering from the first traumatic event?”

“That is what it seems like. Her brain is recalling memories I believe Shepard finds to be the most important in her life. Which is why I called in a favor with the Shadow Broker.” Hackett said nothing as he tried to take everything in. “Jane and John used to keep a memento box hidden in their upstairs bedroom. If the house is still there, after the reapers, I asked that it be found with any other personal items and it all be sent to you.”

“What kind of mementos?”

“After her mother died, Shepard took their jewelry and hid it away with her and John’s most prized things. I would assume silly things teenagers find important,” Miranda answered. “Shepard was fighting for her life and trying to preserve what was left of her family.”

“She still does that,” Hackett commented.

“Yes, and she always will do her best to keep her promise to her mother,” Ms. Lawson answered.

Before Hackett could dig for more in Shepard’s personal life, the door opened to reveal his security team. Six men. Four krogan and two humans.

“Which of you are the most rested?” Hackett asked as he stood. Three rose their hands. “Zaeed and you will take first watch. You’ll be relieved in eight hours. The rest with me.” Hackett waited outside the door as he allowed the clan leader to finish speaking with a krogan he brought.

“Where are we going?” a young krogan asked.

“You must be Shepard’s son,” Hackett said as he took in the hard blue eyes.

“Yes.”

“We’re going to her apartment. It’s a mess but we can clean it up enough to use.” With former knowledge of the apartment when it was David’s it was easy to come up with a plan for sleeping. It was probably a good thing David was in a coma right now. “Shepard’s room is mine for now. You all can take shifts sleeping in the other two.”

Purpose filled his steps once again. He hadn’t felt this since before the war came to a head. With Shepard in expert hands, her most loyal guarding her safety, he could finally exhale. He needed to hear her voice again. But now there was hope that he _would_ hear her again.

Noticing the time, he was surprised how many hours had passed from the moment he awakened to a still Shepard next to him. It had been a trying day. Physically, yes, but far more emotionally draining as he dreaded the moment when the steady beat of her heart might stop.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beauties! It's finally Christmas break in my household. No more going to town 5 times a day. No more Santa shops at the school for me to set up a table. I even got to sleep in this morning! Here's hoping I'm back on my daily posting schedule! Much love to you all <33 I appreciate you!
> 
> * * *

**Mindoir**

With a grunt, she lashed out against the hand that gripped her shoulder by swinging the butt of her rifle into their face. She screamed and fought as they held her down. She screamed until it felt like her throat was raw. Jane bit, kicked, and clawed. Until she got the taste of iron after the person jerked their hand back. _Human._

“Everyone stop!” a loud voice called. “Get out of the way, can you not see the devastation here? What she’s been through?”

“Yes, Commander,” another said as the men in uniform stepped back, one nursing his hand.

A bloody face came into view, she snarled at him when he reached out to touch her. “I’m Commander Hackett with the Alliance.” 

_Alliance?_ “You’re too late,” she growled, her voice barely a strained whisper. “Everyone is dead. Fucking dead,” she ground out.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he told her. “Did you kill all these batarians yourself?”

The aliens were called batarians. She hated batarians. “Yes.”

“Karin, we need medical over here,” a dark man called from his place behind the Commander in front of her.

“I’m coming, Lieutenant,” a soft voice called. Jane swallowed the emotion, she almost sounded like Hannah.

* * *

The hospital on the ship was harsh metals and bright lighting. Nothing like she’d seen before, but she couldn’t appreciate the difference or the novelty of being in space. Not without John. He’d have loved it.

Jane was forced to bathe in front of the brunette doctor she’d met on Mindoir. The doctor really didn’t pay attention to anything except injuries that were revealed as thick layers of mud washed off of her body. It wasn’t until she finally saw her own skin that she realized she’d been injured. There was no pain.

After she’d been doctored, she was forced to sit on a bed and wait in borrowed clothing. Fatigues, the doctor called them. Jane didn’t know why she had to wait, there was no other family out there waiting for her. She had no one. Not anymore.

“Steven, what happened to your face?” the doctor asked as an Alliance officer entered.

“Nothing exciting, I assure you. Just clean it up, I think I’ll keep the scar.”

“You soldiers and your obsessions with scars,” the doctor muttered as she gathered supplies.

“Who’s the woman?” He asked quietly, but the beds were too close together to actually give privacy. Jane rolled her eyes.

“Seriously?” Karin said. “You just brought her here an hour ago.”

“What?” Commander Hackett took Jane in, but she refused to make eye contact with him. “Can’t be,” he muttered.

“Darling?” Karin said, addressing her. Jane turned her head and met the woman’s warm eyes with an icy glare. “What’s your name?”

“Jane Shepard,” she said, her voice still rough from screaming. “Age sixteen, almost seventeen. Last surviving member of the Shepard clan. Birthday: April 11, 2154, shared with my twin brother John; dead. Any other questions?” She asked, her cold glare penetrating the two people next to her. “Excellent. Leave me be.”

“I like her,” Commander Hackett commented to Karin, the doctor shaking her head in humor.

“You would.”

“Feel like joining the Alliance, Jane Shepard of Mindoir?”

“What’s the point?” She asked sharply. “Without my brother, none of our work is worth anything.”

“Steven, let her mourn,” Karin scolded.

Let her mourn? Shepard’s didn’t mourn. They fought to hang on to life. That was all they’d ever done from year to year. Fought to have enough to eat if the crops failed. Fought off the occasional pirate that thought they were easy targets. Jane sighed, it didn’t matter. There was only her now. She’d do her best to keep her mother’s promise.

“It helps to have a goal, Karin,” the man rebutted. “A reason to continue.”

“I understand, but give her a few days.”

“Stop talking like I can’t hear you,” Jane ordered. She lay down with her back to them. They continued to murmur as she stared off to the bed in front of her. It wasn’t long until blue eyes met her green. “God you’re annoying. What do you want?” She asked tiredly.

The man smirked, his bandage squishing together above his mouth. “You are one hell of a woman, Shepard. An incredible amount of potential. Think it through and let me know?”

“Yeah,” she said just so they would leave her alone.

“Good, now come with me. You’ll be staying with your foster dad who happens to be a good friend of mine.”

“Joy, from a real family to a fake one. How fucking exciting,” she muttered under her breath. 

“That language is unbefitting a lovely young woman,” the man said, his eyes holding humor she wished she could feel.

“Fuck you,” she told him before they left the hospital room. _Medbay, it was a medbay._ With a sigh she followed the brown haired man through the halls. He didn’t talk much but a lot of people stopped and saluted him. Came with the rank, she supposed. 

A decent looking soldier tried to flirt with her in an elevator. But _Steven_ gave him a warning glare making the man snap his mouth shut audibly. The Commander put his hand on her shoulder when she inhaled. Jane was distracted by the odd feeling of the box they were in. Of course she’d learned about them in school, as most kids on her colony did. It was just a weird thing to experience. This was her first elevator ride. John was supposed to be here too, to experience their firsts together.

The man gave her shoulder a soft squeeze before leading her out of the elevator and down a bright hallway. They stopped in front of a door that read _Lieutenant Anderson, David_ in galactic human standard.

Now there was a name to the man who stood at the Commander’s six. John had always had her six. Now she was left unguarded and vulnerable.

* * *

She spent her time wrapped in grief while her nose was buried in datapads. Jane talked when she had to, but mostly she stayed quiet and kept to herself. When _David_ had time, he’d train her in hand-to-hand and weapons. 

The small group had dinner on the Citadel after both Hackett and David were promoted. The station was huge. And overwhelming. Hackett stayed on her six, his sleeves brushing her arm, as they walked the gardens. It made her miss John more, but she appreciated the support.

The look David gave her every time she bested him on the range was the same look her father had given her easily a hundred times. Pride. Pride in her skill and knowledge. Jane missed her family so much. She knew David tried, she knew he didn’t deserve her anger, but he took everything nonetheless. The pride he had for her never seemed to fade.

It was months later when a nightmare bared her blue powers. The doctors called them biotics and looked at her differently than they did before. Except Karin. The woman seemed to take it all in stride. Jane was fond of the soft spoken woman.

The burst of energy had broken so many things in her room. David and Hackett cleaned up the mess while she sat on the bed waiting for them to label her a freak like her doctor had. To send her away because she was different. Instead, they teased and joked with her like it was any other day. There were no words she could find to express her appreciation.

Rear Admiral Hackett’s more talkative side closed down around her as time went on. But he stood by her when they were planning her surgery.

It was more comforting than she expected it to be.

When she awakened, he was there instead of David. Her fingers immediately traced the interesting scar on his face before sleep overtook her again. But she wouldn’t remember it as anything more than a dream.

Before she turned eighteen, she had graduated college with an engineering degree, but she had no plans to use it. Not without her brother there. Instead, she focused all her energy training her biotics with an instructor David had hired for her. But she’d been unable to leave the tech behind. The Alliance labeled her as a Sentinel in her medical file. A rarity.

But what was rare to Jane, was the blue eyes that met hers whenever she finished a heavy training session. Hackett’s eyes held an emotion she didn’t understand. But she loved to see it. And when she did, she’d send a wink his way, earning her a small smile as he watched from the observation deck. The light-hearted feeling she got always made her day better.

* * *

“Jane, are you a virgin?” Karin asked as she began her yearly physical.

“No,” Jane replied honestly. _I had been seeing a boy named Thomas. I watched him get cut down before his screaming mother was dragged away by her hair._

Shaking the memories away, she answered all the same questions she did every time she had to see a physician before the doctor recommended birth control. Jane accepted. Since she was heading off to bootcamp soon she thought she might need it. But then again, probably not.

It was better safe than sorry.

* * *

Bootcamp proved to be too easy for her. She wasn’t sure if they were going easy on her or if she’d just been physically prepared. The leadership even made her wear a biotic dampener because they thought she was cheating. She hadn’t been. The others hated her for it, but she didn’t care.

Scanning the crowd, she spotted her three biggest supporters. David, Hackett, and Karin all watching her graduate. With honors. Jane Shepard was the top of not just her class, but all graduating classes on the whole base in this rotation.

It was near overwhelming hearing her name without John’s. She was living their dream. Almost. She didn’t join to build ships like they had planned. She honestly thought she couldn’t emotionally handle it. But she could fight. There was a lot of anger inside of her begging to be set free.

So she chose the Marine branch inside the Alliance. The best of the best according to Anderson.

_He misses you, Shepard._

A buzz in her ear made her misstep, but no one noticed. She saluted the three proud faces standing in the crowd.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love to you all! My life is slowed to a trickle for a few days and I'm so grateful. I'm working on crocheting a throw for my favorite UPS guy, Ginger. I totally adore the man. He's no Hackett though ;)
> 
> * * *

“He misses you, Shepard,” Zaeed told the sleeping woman.

“That he does,” Miranda agreed. “I’m doing everything I can for her, Massani.”

“I know that, daft bitch,” the man replied roughly. “Why is she so pale?”

“I don’t know,” the woman confessed. “I _can_ tell you she wasn’t eating enough.”

“Hope you don’t mind a few people coming in and out as they arrive,” Zaeed said as he leaned back in his chair. “All those close enough anyway.”

“I assumed as much.”

Of all the things he’s witnessed in his life, this was the most sobering. The snow white woman sleeping away as her eyes moved behind her lids. She had no idea how much people loved her on Earth. How many celebrations were held in her honor anytime alcohol was found.

Then again after the comms came up and the galaxy learned the infamous woman was alive.

But walking into a room with the Commander plugged up to dozens of machines? He’d been expecting the woman to be glaring at the newcomers while she lit up the room with her powerful aura. Instead, they were all hit with the seriousness of the situation. Perhaps Grunt more than the others.

“She’s stable,” the former Cerberus lackey said softly. “As soon as the resources come in from Liara, she’ll begin healing.”

“I sure hope so, Lawson,” Zaeed returned as he looked at Shepard. “Otherwise, the galaxy will be a hell of a lot darker.” It would be hard going back to the darkness after Shepard lit the galaxy with her presence.

* * *

The apartment was in worse shape than it had been after the party. Wrex didn’t think it could look any worse.

The Admiral had cleaned up Shepard’s quarters before he fell into bed fully dressed.

Wrex, Grunt, Cortez, and Huzal were cleaning up the spare rooms as well as the kitchen and office area. They all worked quietly as they tried to keep the noise level down so the tired Alliance man could rest.

The krogan he’d left with Zaeed, Razza, was expected to guard Shepard like she was a pregnant female. Wrex had made damn sure the krogan knew that if anything happened to his sister while under Razza’s watch, Wrex would kill him. 

It wasn’t until they’d returned to the apartment that Wrex learned the human male had been taking care of Shepard all this time. That she’d lost her sight first and accepted death as it slowly came for her. Hackett had awakened next to her already in a deep sleep. Her body warm but her skin pale. Just as she had been in that hospital room.

Wrex guessed that if there was anyone Shepard could chose for a mate it would be her Admiral. Though, he didn’t have to like it. Shepard would do as she damned well pleased anyway. The damn female never cared for what others thought when her mind was set on something.

Once the guard schedule was made up, they all found a place to sleep. Cortez took the couch since he was smaller and gave the beds up to the krogan. Wrex chose to stay up for a while longer to clean up what he could. Once one of the others had enough sleep, he’d take their place. Until then, there was work to be done.

If there was one thing he knew about Shepard, it was that she wouldn’t give in so easily. She was born to fight. Born to survive.

* * *

Grunt sighed as he flipped through holos. His mother was a force none other compared to. Except in that hospital room. There were many regrets resurfacing as he remembered her tiny body under all the wires.

Calling her mother was his biggest regret. Not once had he called her anything but Shepard. She deserved the title of ‘Mother’ and yet he’d been too embarrassed to say it. Too prideful and strong. Shepard is his mother and he loves her. So why had it been so hard to tell her?

The holo of his rite made him smile. That had been a good day. Shepard had been proud of him, as a mother would her son. Seeing her make his clan leader give her a ride on his hump made Grunt chuckle as the memory surfaced. His mother didn’t handle ryncol very well.

Shepard was always proud of Grunt. She had always treated him as an equal in front of others. But when they were alone, she called him ‘kiddo’. Her tone softer as affection shown in her startling green eyes. Urdnot Grunt Shepard was an idiot back then.

With a loud exhale, he remembered the day this room was set aside for him. There were even action figures on the shelves when she gave him a tour. Some were broken now, but those unharmed were returned to their place when he’d cleaned it up. She’d given him a home on Tuchanka, on the _Normandy_ , then again in her own personal apartment.

Turning off his omnitool, he got as comfortable as he could. He was up next to guard his mother, and kalros be damned he’d give his _mother_ everything he was.

* * *

Subdued noises woke him. It had been hard coming back to Shepard’s apartment and even harder sleeping in her space. Hell, she hadn’t even had time to do much to the place, but he could see her fingerprints everywhere. In the dark reds and golds of the kitchen and walls to the darker furniture.

But here he was, bombarding her space after so long pining for her. He’d been bothered at first, simply because she hadn’t looked like she was sixteen when he felt the first surprising tugs on his heart.

Most teenagers he knew didn’t have muscle definition like the young Jane had when they found her. And he sure as hell didn’t expect a teenager capable of killing dozens of batarians. But the evidence backed up her story. What little of one there had been in all that death.

David had often teased him of being smitten with Jane. And he had been. Loving her from afar, hoping she wouldn’t join the Alliance even though he’d offered it to her. Being proud at watching her receive some of the highest honors any bootcamp graduate had earned in decades.

How many times had she caught him staring at her in awe? Fifteen, twenty? He wasn’t sure. But the wink and smirk she sent him always lifted his spirits.

Grabbing the holo frame off of the bedside table, he began to flip through her holos. Some were of her family that she’d had on her old omnitool back when she was a carefree farmer working hard in school so she and her brother could fulfill their dreams. The twins had wanted to build ships together. Hackett thought that would have been a waste of Shepard’s potential, but then again…she’d have been happy working alongside her best friend.

Instead, the young woman chose a different career path. One filled with destruction, death, and sorrow.

Hackett inhaled sharply when the next picture appeared. It was a holo of him and her as they toured a Presidium garden arm-in-arm. She had been filling him in on her mission with Cerberus. They were both dressed casually, trying to fit in with civilians. He hadn’t told her, but he’d been so relieved to see her for himself instead of taking David’s word. Once the information had been ‘lovingly’ whispered into his ear, she left him with a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth before saying farewell to her ‘husband’.

All those years he’d waited for her to be that close to him. With a sigh, Hackett paused the frame on their holo before settling back into Shepard’s bed. He wasn’t going to be able to spend every waking minute at her side like he wanted, but there would be trusted people there all day. She wouldn’t awaken alone. He just wished his face was the one she awakened to.

Like after her first surgery for her biotic implants. She’d been high when she woke up to find him sitting there. Her soft fingers tracing the scar she’d given him with the butt of a stolen rifle. He’d shivered under her touch, her small smile just for him. Or so he told himself.

All this time loving her from a distance. He should’ve just told her. When she became a Spectre he could have told her. But he didn’t because they both were by the book and she was still officially Alliance.

If she wanted marriage and a dozen mini Shepard’s, then he’d give it to her. Coffee every night with marriage proposals... his throat tightened as he remembered what Ms. Lawson had told him. Did that mean she held affection for him?


	8. Chapter 8

**Post-Akuze**

The pain from the thresher maw acid had her clenching her teeth as the doctor tried to treat her. “It’s not fucking working!” Shepard growled. It burned as it ate her skin. It felt like she was melting and being stabbed with a hundred needles all at once.

“If you would let me knock you out,” the man muttered under his breath.

“I’ll fucking slit your throat.”

“Is there a problem?” A familiar voice asked.

“Shepard has maw acid eating her away at her arm and thigh. I’m trying to rinse it off with water,” the doctor told the man only for Shepard to interrupt.

“Water?! Do you have any training at all?” Shepard stood, scantily clad as she shoved the doctor off of her in search of a cream that neutralized the acid. It was supposed to be _mixed_ with water. “Fucking idiot, I swear if your _treatment_ makes me unable to work I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Doctor, please clear the room and send Doctor Chakwas in,” Hackett said, his voice hard. As soon as the door shut, Hackett stepped forward. “That language is unbefitting a lovely young woman.”

“Fuck you.”

“Lay down, Shepard,” he told her, his chuckle quiet.

“Yes, Sir,” she said angrily. “Mix this with the water, the whole tube.” Shepard swallowed as the sting of the acid once again came to the front of her mind, the adrenaline from the doctor’s mistake wearing off. “Hurry up.”

“It’s not professional to order your commanding officer about, Jane,” he told her but she could hear the humor in his voice.

“It’s not polite to let acid eat me alive when you’re holding the cure to make it stop.” A warm hand gripped her hip and squeezed before a cool liquid was slowly poured over her thigh.

“Any better?” He asked softly.

“Yeah,” she grunted. “My arm.”

His hand moved to hers as the cool liquid calmed the burn on her arm, the liquid seeping into the pad below her. He stood next to her as she caught her breath, a dry towel gently dabbing her neck and back as she ran her thumb over his finger. The moment was lost as soon as the door opened, his hand slipping from her grasp.

“How is she, Steven?”

“The doctor was pouring water on the acid,” he told Karin.

“Do they teach nothing at medical school?” Karin said as she came around the bed. “How are you, darling?”

“I could go for a whiskey, a double bacon cheeseburger, and about two days of sleep,” Shepard told her. The doctor laughed softly. It almost sounded like Hannah’s.

“How about a shower once this mixture neutralizes the acid, some clean clothes, and the finest food the cafeteria has to offer?”

“I miss my mom’s food,” Shepard said without meaning to. “John’s favorite was fried chicken.”

“What was yours?” Karin asked as she began to dab at Shepard’s wounds.

“Anything she made was good, but her cheesecake was divine,” Shepard whispered as the exhaustion slowly relaxed her body. “Real strawberries.”

* * *

“She’s fine, David,” Hackett said quietly.

“You didn’t see what I saw down there. It was awful. Not one body was whole, Steven.”

“That’s because we were on the nest,” Shepard said groggily. “And we aren’t their preferred food.”

“Shepard, you should be resting,” her foster dad said as he moved hair off of her forehead. “Not retelling the horror show.”

“Thresher maws prefer metal based food which made rigging a broken Humvee with explosives easy,” Shepard told him as she rolled on her back. “I collected what tags I could find, but many people just disappeared completely.”

“You took down three thresher maws on foot,” David said with a hint of pride blooming in his eyes.

“Tell them to scan underground,” she replied with a smirk.

“You can’t be serious?” Hackett said, his voice laced with surprise.

“It was a nest, of course I’m serious.”

David smiled down at her like her father used to as Hackett left the room to relay orders. “Your family would be proud of you, kid.”

“You’re my family now,” she reminded him.

“True enough,” he told her with a chuckle. “I’m damn proud.”

“Proud enough to break me out of here and get me some real food?” She asked hopefully.

“You know it,” he replied. “Only, I don’t have to break you out. You’ve been released.”

Jane laughed outright. She almost felt guilty after all the men and women that died down there. “You could’ve lied so I felt like I was doing something against the rules.”

“I know you better than that,” David replied as he lifted a bag from the floor. “Go dress, we’ll wait for you outside.”

The clothes were basic Alliance fatigues. Nothing fancy, but then, David never bought anything for his personal enjoyment where clothes were concerned. Quickly putting the clothes on, she made her way out of the medbay.

When she exited, the men were waiting for her. Hackett had his nose buried in his omnitool as David led them through the halls of her ship.

“Twelve? There were twelve thresher maws? How did this go unnoticed?” Hackett mumbled as they entered an elevator. “I can’t believe you killed twelve.”

“Well, it was a rather _large_ underground explosion once a maw pulled the Humvee below the surface…I love making things go boom.” Shepard said with a satisfied sigh. “I just assumed the three above ground were the adults of the nest. Was I correct?”

“Yes,” Hackett answered.

Hackett excused himself as soon as they hit the floor where her quarters were. David apologized for having to return to duty. She understood. But it wasn’t until she was alone that she felt the heaviness of it all.

The screams, the shaking ground, the blood rain…

She lay down on her bunk and rubbed her hands over her face.

Fifteen tags was all she’d been able to find. Fifteen out of fifty. She’d been the only survivor. That was only because her mother’s words whispered over and over in her head. When she thought she was done, that the maw would crush her, the words would grow louder. _Survive, baby girl._

“I did, Momma,” she whispered as a tear slid free. A ping at her door had her quickly wiping her face. “It’s open,” she called as she slowly sat up in the bed.

“I brought you some food, Jane,” Hackett said as he entered her small quarters fully.

She watched him place the containers on her small desk. “Thank you, Sir.”

His head whipped around to look at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, why?”

“You never call me ‘Sir’ in private and I know you never mean it when you say it in front of others,” he told her before smirking.

“Unfortunate side effect of being Alliance,” she told him as she stood, her wince making him reach an arm out to steady her. “What’s for dinner?”

“A double bacon cheeseburger I believe is what you requested?”

“Yes,” she told him with a soft, raspy chuckle.

“And dessert. I’d have brought you coffee too but I’m afraid the coffee on this ship leaves a lot to be desired.” Her heart clenched as memories threatened to fill her mind. Bittersweet memories of her mother flirting with her father over the steam of a fresh cup of coffee. “Jane?”

“Sorry,” she answered quickly before swallowing down the impending emotion. “I…thank you, Hackett.”

The man squeezed her shoulder before taking his leave.

Taking her seat she opened the containers only to burst into tears. There sat a slice of cheesecake covered in fresh strawberries.

_I miss you, BattleMother._

The rough voice buzzed in her ear. But there was no one there in her tear stained vision.


	9. Chapter 9

“I miss you, BattleMother,” Grunt said quietly.

The woman continued to inhale and exhale like she hadn’t heard him, but for a moment, her eyes had stopped moving. It happened so quickly, it was probably just wishful thinking. That was a phrase he understood now.

“Grunt I need on that side for a few minutes,” a familiar voice said. He didn’t want to move, but he knew the black fringed woman was saving his mother’s life. “Humans believe that our voices help those that are in a coma. Those that have awakened could hear them.”

“That doesn’t help me,” Grunt told her.

“No, but it might help her find her way back to us.”

“She’s lost?”

“She’s remembering her life. But maybe when we’re speaking, she can hear us through the memories.” The woman moved away from the table. “I’m done, you can have your place back.”

Grunt carefully took his seat as he removed his gloves. His mother’s skin was soft under his rough fingers. “She’s cold.” Miranda pushed a few buttons on a terminal before Grunt felt the blanket over his mother warm.

They’d been watching over her for weeks. Some familiar faces stopped in, but they didn’t stay long. Grunt understood.

It was hard to see such a powerful woman like this. Especially when she meant the world to everyone that ever served under her command.

Once he was left alone with his mother, he opened his omnitool and began reading a book she had bought him when he’d shown an interest in dinosaurs. His words were soft as he read to her, but they were unmistakably his.

* * *

It had been a long work day. But finding Grunt reading to his mother about triceratops and holding her hand made the stress fall away.

“Hackett?” Grunt questioned as he was taking the scene in.

“I’ve come to deliver news on the _Normandy_ , I thought Shepard would like to be the first to know,” Steven told the young krogan.

“Miranda thinks she can hear us when we talk to her,” Grunt said as he look back at his mother. “I don’t know if it’s true.”

“I don’t know either, but I’ll tell her anyway,” Hackett said as he approached the opposite side of the table. “Jane,” he addressed her as he leaned over her. “The _Normandy_ is safe and on its way home. Your crew is alive and eager to see you. I couldn’t tell them what they were coming home to, but I will as they get closer if you haven’t awakened yet. Your family misses you.”

How had Miranda been able to get Shadow Broker help when Liara was on the _Normandy_? That was a question for another time. Maybe Liara wasn’t the Broker at all. It didn’t matter. Not with resources coming in for Shepard.

The beautiful woman on the table continued to sleep. But she wasn’t dead. That was what he continued to tell himself as time went on without her. Having other people in her apartment helped. But he missed their dinners together. Even when she was in a piss-poor mood and grumbling around every bite of food. Or when she sighed with a small smile as he presented coffee to her after dinner. Steven hadn’t known what that smile meant until Miranda had told him of Shepard’s parents.

More than anything he missed the domestic life they had shared together for a short time. Getting to come home to her had been an honor.

Gods he missed it.

“You should continue,” Hackett told Grunt. “The triceratops is her favorite dinosaur.”

“It is?”

Hackett smiled down at the woman. “I overheard her once talking to a kid she rescued. Then telling the doctor not to tell a soul or she’d break his hands.”

“Heh. Heh. Heh. That’s sounds like my mother.”

“I thought you’d like that part,” he told the boy with a chuckle. “I’ll see you at home.”

Steven left the room with a small smile on his lips, his steps a little lighter. Leave it to a kid to bring him some peace.

* * *

Cortez and Zaeed had spent their time off repairing broken furniture around Shepard’s apartment. There was a lot to be done to complete the repairs. Former crew dropped by to help when they could.

“Bloody hell,” came an angry voice. Steve smiled. The old merc was slowly making his way past Steve’s defenses. A crude man wasn’t normally his type, but there was something to be said for the man currently nursing a cut on his finger.

“You can be shot without a problem, but cutting yourself hurts?” Steve asked as he screwed the cabinet door back on.

“Shut it,” Massani grumbled.

Instead of replying right away, Cortez shut the cabinet door before opening it and closing it again. “I did, works fine.”

“Daft bitch.”

“Grouch,” Steve replied immediately.

“Can’t you just take me to bed already?” Zaeed asked as he leaned against the counter and looked up at him.

Cortez smirked. “That would be way too easy, old man.”

“I don’t do romance.”

“And I don’t do one-night stands,” Steve returned. “Now, hand me the next one.” The man did as he was told before turning back to his task. It couldn’t be that difficult to hang the art back in its place. “Stop procrastinating and get to work, Zaeed.”

“The shit I do for that woman,” he grumbled making Cortez hum in agreement.

The things they all do for the woman that did the impossible. Fixing her home was a small thanks compared to what she’d given them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note once I realized todays date. Had my marriage survived the war in the Middle East (PTSD-exhubby) I would have been married 18 years today! We separated in 2010, divorced 2 years ago. Let me tell you all that pain was worth it. My kids have an incredible bonus mom and she is the bomb diggity. I love her to pieces!
> 
> This is just your reminder that there are better days ahead. You just have to get up and survive.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve!
> 
> * * *

**The Villa**

Surviving the ‘N’ program was proving to be more difficult than she had anticipated. They were given very little personal time when they actually got to use the rooms assigned to them. But when they did, she checked her messages while her roommate showered.

\--  
 _[Shepard, I hear you’re doing great. Keep up the hard work, kid. I’m proud you’ve made it this far. –David]  
\--  
[Jane, I hope to be there for your graduation, as I have no doubt you’ll make it through the training. Victory meal is on me after. Hackett out.]  
\--  
[Darling, I’m told you are doing well with very little injury. As your physician, this pleases me. As someone that cares for you, I’m ecstatic. I can’t wait to watch you graduate! Not much longer, you’ve got this. –Karin]_  
\--

With a smile she closed down her messages as her roommate left the shower. “All yours, Shep.”

“Thanks, Riley.” Gods, her first hot shower in a week. She was sure there was sand and mud in every possible crevice in her skin.

One more month of this torture and she would graduate the ‘N’ program. It was doubtful she’d be earning any honors this time around. Hell, she didn’t even want to come but David had told her it was good for her career. And that he’d get to see her more often.

Torturing herself for her foster dad.

“I’m heading to the cafeteria,” Riley called through the door. “I’ll bring you a plate back.”

“Thanks!” Shepard replied.

An incoming call had her quickly washing the shampoo from her head before answering it. “Shepard.”

[Jane, what are you doing?]

“Hackett, I’m showering.”

[I’m a man, I’m going to look if you drop the omnitool below your shoulders.]

Shepard laughed. “Good thing I mastered one handed cleaning then. Was there a reason you called?”

[I saw you read my message and I was just checking on you.]

“I’m tired, the coffee sucks, but I’m still moving so I guess I’m alright.”

[Feel like letting me buy you dinner after graduation?]

Shepard smirked at him, his eyes twinkling through the vid feed. “Definitely.”

[Any requests?]

She stood under the water as the soap rinsed from her body. “A massage. Then maybe I’ll go for my brother’s favorite food type.” Finding her family’s traditional victory meal on this part of the planet would be impossible.

[Fried chicken?]

Shepard smiled, she’d only voiced that information once. “Fried anything.”

[I’ll see what I can do, Jane.]

“See you in a month then.”

[In a month,] he repeated. [Hackett out.]

It was going to be a long month waiting for that food. And to see the man that made her heart flutter. Damn frat regs. She’d love nothing more than to get lost in Hackett’s blue eyes. Maybe someday. In another life.

* * *

“We’d like to congratulate our last graduate for painstakingly obtaining the rank of N7. This is near impossible to do in training alone. Jane Shepard, Alliance Marine Special Forces.”

_What?_ Her feet were in motion before her brain soaked in the words as she stood before her instructors and accepted her new rank. She stood perfectly still for holos, her mask firmly in place as she returned to her seat.

Hats flew as soon as the announcer finished. But she couldn’t stop looking down at the pin cupped carefully on her gloved hand. Hands patted her shoulders, congratulations were given, and plans were made for drinking later in the evening.

A tear fell as a hand gently gripped her elbow. _Survive, baby girl._ “I did, Momma,” she whispered before closing her hand around the pin.

“You did a hell of a thing, Shepard,” Hackett told her, his voice quiet.

“Yes, Sir,” she replied automatically. “Hackett.”

“That’s better. Since the ceremony ran over, David and Karin already left to hold our table. Are you ready?”

“In a minute,” she replied.

“This is your day, take all the time you need.”

She looked up at him then, his eyes looking down at her with such kindness and compassion, she nearly hugged him. His hand tightened on her elbow briefly, like he knew what she was thinking. Swallowing down the emotion, she gave him a nod and let her mask slip into place. “I’m ready.”

* * *

Shepard soaked in the happiness of their dinner. It was bittersweet, but she appreciated the three regardless of the memories that tried to surface. David boasted to anyone that would listen about his foster daughter following in his footsteps.

David and Karin left one-by-one as the night wore on. Too old to be up this late, they said. Shepard just rolled her eyes and bid them farewell. Hackett walked her back to The Villa, the silence comfortable between them.

“I have a personal question, Jane, if you’d be willing?”

“Okay,” she answered.

“What does it mean when you say ‘I did, Momma’? You can tell me to mind my own business, I was just curious.”

They walked a few minutes in quiet before she finally answered him. “I fought off a batarian trying to rape me. Killed him with biotics before I even knew what they were,” she paused to lean over the side of a bridge to watch the lights on the water. “I found my twin dead in the back door. My father with his face missing. Then my mother barely clinging to life,” Shepard laughed without humor. “She told me to take the safety off of the rifle I stole from the dead batarian.” That could’ve been a horrible mistake. “Then made me promise to survive before she died.”

“You are an amazing woman, Shepard,” he told her quietly.

Trying to lighten the mood, she turned the attention back on to him. “And that’s an impressive scar you have. Maybe one day you’ll tell me how you got it?”

His chuckle was quiet, the light reflecting off of his full smile. “Maybe. Come on, there’s drinking in your future.”

“I’m afraid they’re about to find out that I’m not much for alcohol.”

“Delaying the inevitable?” He asked her with a smirk as he gestured her to walk.

“Definitely.”

The gentle hum of skycars and laughter of pedestrians surrounded them as they continued on their path. Why he wanted to walk her all the way back, she didn’t know. But she appreciated it. The closer they got, the more pedestrians there were.

The two had to squeeze through a group, Hackett’s arm around her protectively. But it didn’t save his shirt from her dress uniform.

“Looks like my uniform ate your button,” she told him as she tried to dig the button out. She removed her gloves and easily plucked it from the fold.

“I’ll fix it later.”

“What kind of lady would I be if I let you walk around baring skin?” She teased as she reached inside her inside pocket for her pin. “Just do me a favor?”

“What’s that?” He asked her as she fiddled with his shirt.

“Keep my pin safe, eh? I worked pretty hard for it.” Her bare fingers grazed warm skin as she pinned her N7 rank on his shirt to replace the missing button.

“I will, thank you for sparing me the embarrassment of my chest hanging out,” he teased.

They fell back into step as she felt a buzzing in her ears.

_Your son is strong, Sister._

Her misstep went unnoticed to Hackett who simply continued forward.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
> 
> * * *

“Your son is strong, Sister.” Wrex watched as the movement stopped before it continued. It seems the human was right. Shepard could hear them.

Instead of an old story that Massani liked to tell, reading like Grunt, or time in service that Cortez told her about, Wrex decided to fill her in on the present. How those on Earth were doing, how life in the Citadel was fairing since the Crucible fired. Stuff he thought Shepard would want to know.

Peace was happening for now. The relay’s came to life which Wrex was told was thanks to Shepard finding the missing link in code. Even comatose she did impossible things. The _Normandy_ would be home sooner than expected, Hackett was busy preparing for that when he wasn’t pretending to sleep.

Damn man had it bad for Shepard. But Wrex supposed Shepard could take care of herself where her love life was concerned.

The crazy biotic had come by to see Shepard. Wrex didn’t know what she whispered in Shepard’s ear, but whatever it was, Wrex was sure Shepard appreciated it. Knowing Jack, it was probably profanities.

As the day wore on, he told her of all the things Grunt had been learning. How instead of fighting, he was filling his mind with knowledge, like Shepard had wanted when they were hunting the Collectors. Wrex was a proud Uncle. One day his nephew may very well be a shaman for their clan. Or even a leader for their people.

Alarms started blaring making Wrex growl in panic. He yelled for Miranda as Shepard began to convulse on the table.

“What’s happening?”

Miranda hustled to terminals before silencing alarms and collapsing into the chair. “She was experiencing the beacon on Eden Prime again.”

“Will it happen again since she used another on Virmire?” Wrex asked before looking down at the calm woman on the table.

“Yes.”

“What happens when she reaches the end of her memories?”

Miranda sighed as she stood. “I don’t know, Wrex, I woke her up shortly after the Virmire episode.”

“I think it best we don’t find out,” Wrex growled. “The _Normandy_ will be here in two days.”

“At best we’ll all be here when she wakes up,” Miranda said as she straightened her shoulders.

Wrex sighed. “At worst, we’ll be here when she leaves us for your Valhalla.”

“We have about two weeks before she remembers Virmire,” Miranda informed him as she began to work on her terminals.

“Is she healed enough to be awake?” Wrex asked quietly. “Will she be in pain?”

“No she won’t be in pain. Her cybernetics are functioning properly and working hard to restore her body. She will be in far better shape than when she slipped into the coma.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am right, our only worry now is waking her up,” Miranda told him, her voice filled with confidence he wished he could feel.

* * *

For a moment, Miranda thought she was losing Shepard. But the brain scans matched the scans she had on file from Lazarus and the scans Chakwas had taken after Eden Prime on the original _Normandy_.

They needed to wake her soon. But how does one wake a woman lost in dreams as if they were real life? The rare moments Miranda was alone with her, she tried various ways. Pain, cooler temperature, warmer temperature…Nothing worked.

For the next week, various crew came and went. With the _Normandy_ in dry dock, her crew had taken to making sure someone stayed with Shepard even though she had guards non-stop. They all worried, she knew. She was worried. Miranda had hoped that the influx of familiar scents and voices would pull Shepard from her slumber.

But it didn’t.

When Shepard experienced the Virmire beacon, Hackett had been there. His normal professional façade broke as he watched helplessly while Shepard’s body convulsed as she relived an important moment in her life.

It had been difficult for Miranda to witness. She had known from her own research that the Admiral was weaved into Shepard’s life. A support pillar. She just hadn’t realized the depth of that support until that moment. She couldn’t help but wonder if Shepard knew.

As soon as the comms had come to life some months ago, Miranda discovered her omnitool wasn’t working properly. She knew she would have a message from someone, Oriana at least. But when nothing came, she had to frantically search for another. As soon as she’d entered her personal omnicode information, she was hit with dozens of high-priority messages.

Her heart had dropped as the urgency increased with each message.

Shepard was dying and they needed Miranda.

It wasn’t a proud moment, threatening the life of an Alliance soldier: Major Coats. But she did and he took her to Hackett’s ship straight away once she mentioned Shepard’s name. There hadn’t been anything to keep her from getting to the medbay. Then to see the woman Miranda considered family lying deathly still on the medbay bed... It nearly broke her. But Miranda pushed the emotion away and let the former Cerberus doctor take point.

Now they were all gathered around Shepard, lending her their strength as Karin Chakwas spoke about the only idea she had at waking the sleeping warrior.

* * *

Karin had become something of a mother to Shepard. At least she thought she had. The two had shared so much together over the years. Including details of Shepard’s life very few knew about. Details Karin hoped were the key to bringing her adopted daughter back to them.

Looking over to her old friend, she could see the fear in his eyes. She doubted others could see it, but there were benefits of knowing someone for a long time. Karin should have known the first time Steven laid eyes on the freshly showered Jane all those years ago, that he was done for. Love at first sight. Even if the young survivor wasn’t even seventeen.

Karin knew it bothered Steven a great deal to fall for a woman that wasn’t quite an adult. She knew he cursed himself for telling Jane the Alliance would suit her. But it had been his way of keeping the young woman at arm’s reach. Boundaries. Steven was good at boundaries.

“What do you have planned, Karin?” Steven’s quiet voice asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

“As you know, Shepard and I are close. A mother and daughter if you will,” she said. She continued at Hackett’s nod. “There are many things she has told me over the years, one of which I know holds great meaning to her. It could work immediately. Then again, it may not.”

Every day since the _Normandy_ docked, Karin had come to see Shepard. And every day, the young woman was covered in less wires as her body healed. It was easy to tuck a chair near Jane’s head. Some things were meant to be private, even with a room full of people the Commander considered family.

Gently moving red locks of hair away from the woman’s ear, Karin leaned forward and whispered. “Survive, baby girl.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Battle of the Citadel**

“No!” Shepard yelled as Saren tucked the gun under his chin and pulled the trigger.

_Survive, baby girl._

Shepard grunted as her ears filled with the phrase. Ignoring it, she moved forward to save the Council as Saren’s body fell to the garden beneath them. Hackett followed her orders as she frantically searched her way through the security terminal to open the arms of the Citadel.

Checking on Garrus and Wrex, she closed the panel once her mission was complete. The next thing she knew she was falling, the pain radiating on the side of her body as the once dead turian came to life wrapped in a red glow.

_Survive, baby girl._

The buzz tickled her ear as she dove away from a biotic wave of energy. The three fought hard to bring the metal skeletal remains down, and in doing so made Sovereign vulnerable. She could hear Joker calling out orders as they climbed out of the small destroyed garden. They watched in awe as the reaper ship broke into pieces.

Then they ran as pieces descended on the tower. “Go!” Shepard yelled before using her biotics to push her team out of the way.

A pained moan left her. Her collar bone was broken, a possible concussion, and definitely bruised bones on her hip.

_Survive, baby girl._

The words slammed into her making her inhale shakily from the force of it. “I did, Momma,” she whispered as she crawled out from under purple metal.

* * *

“I did, Momma,” came a rough whisper.

The room froze around Karin as the familiar voice seemed to echo off of each of them. She felt the words sink into her soul. _She can hear me,_ she thought as her body shuddered in suppressed emotion.

* * *

“I can’t believe you are refusing a promotion,” Hackett told her while she was stuck under the bone weaver. She couldn’t tell if he was amused or disappointed.

“I don’t want the extra paperwork, Hackett. I’ve got plenty of that already with various species on board.”

“I understand,” he told her as he took a seat next to her. His hand gently gripped hers. “How are you really, Jane?”

“Let’s recap,” she replied with a smile before lacing her fingers with his. “I’m part prothean, at least in my brain. I became the first human Spectre, making dad insanely proud of me.”

“And me too,” he told her with a smirk. She squeezed his hand before continuing.

“Gathered a diverse team that turned out to be some of the most badass people in the galaxy, not including you of course,” she teased.

“Of course.”

“We stopped a reaper invasion, something that I’m still trying to wrap my head around, and took down a powerful rogue Spectre. I feel fan-fucking-tastic.” His soft laughter made her smile.

_Survive, baby girl._

Steven’s fingers continued to feather over her hand. Did he not hear the buzz that came with the words? Why could she never ask if anyone else heard them? Was she indoctrinated? _Please don’t let me be indoctrinated._

“Will you let me buy you lunch?” Hackett asked, her thoughts quickly vanishing.

“I dunno,” she teased with a smirk as she moved her fingers to his face. His eyes closed as she traced the scar. “You still haven’t told me where you got this.”

“It’s a little embarrassing, Jane.” He told her. “Let a man have his secrets.”

“Fine, fine,” she told him before lightly gripping his scruffy chin. “I think I’d like to see what you look like with your beard grown out.”

“That would be against regulations,” he told her.

Shepard snorted. “It’d give you more sex appeal. As for lunch, I’d really like meatloaf.”

“Why meatloaf?”

“My mom always made John and I meatloaf after we kicked ass at science fairs. After dinner, there would be a homemade cake and ice cream plus a small cup of coffee,” Jane told him. “We couldn’t afford much. Hamburger meat was pretty expensive, so it was a special meal to us.”

_Survive, baby girl._

The damn buzz was becoming annoying. She got so little private time with the man in front of her...

“Meatloaf it is, Jane,” he told her, his voice soft.

When he moved to stand, she caught sight of something familiar beneath the opened buttons of his dress uniform. Jane quickly put her hand inside, over his chest, and lay her palm against it. She couldn’t say anything as the emotions nearly overwhelmed her.

“You told me to keep it safe, and the safest place is on me,” he said as he lay his hand over hers. “I like to think it’s a good luck charm.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

The moment was broken as the medbay door opened, their hands falling away from each other as their masks slipped into place.

“How are you doing, darling?” Karin asked as she took Hackett’s place.

_Survive, baby girl._

She inhaled sharply, her heart pounding hard against her ribs as the words echoed in her ears.

* * *

“Survive, baby girl,” Karin whispered again.

“Heart rate increasing, blood pressure slightly elevated,” Miranda said as she monitored the terminal. “Whatever you’re saying is affecting her. Continue.” Alarms blared softly as brain activity increased.

_Of course it was affecting her_ , Karin thought. They were her mother’s last words.

* * *

“I repeat, we are under attack!”

Shepard hit the wall of the stairwell, her grunt swallowed by the alarms. Her ship was going down. Half of her crew lost to an unknown enemy. But there wasn’t time to take it in. Not when her pilot sat in the helm refusing to leave his ship.

Bodies floated inside of chairs, the straps keeping the crew member in place as the barrier kept them from floating out into the void. There wasn’t time to release the dead body. There wasn’t time for anything.

“Joker, let’s go!” She ordered roughly.

_Survive, baby girl._

“This ship is lost!” she told the arguing man. She knew she broke his arm in her fear to get him into the pod. “I’m sorry, Joker,” she whispered as the ship came under attack again. The jolt made her stumble as she tossed him inside the pod as carefully as she could.

“Shepard!” He yelled.

But there wasn’t time for anything but pressing the emergency release for the pod as she was thrown from her ship. She could hear Joker screaming for her. “I’m okay, Joker,” she said roughly before she was hit in the back.

_Survive, baby girl._

Warnings blared in her ears as oxygen escaped her suit.

“Commander!”

“I tried, Momma,” she whispered as her lungs began to burn. She’d tried so hard to not let her mother down. Her body fought as she tried to breathe. But it was too late.

* * *

“Survive, baby girl,” Karin said again, her heart in her throat as alarms began to sound from various monitors. “What’s happening?”

“She’s showing signs of suffocation,” Miranda called over the noise. “She’s remembering Alchera, you need to wake her now!”

Karin could hear sobs behind her. Never in her life did she feel hysteria like she did in this moment as the Commander bowed up off the table, muscles straining as she relived her death.

“Survive, baby girl!” She yelled over the alarms, her hands gripping Shepard’s shoulders and shaking the woman. “Survive!”

Green eyes met hers as air was frantically pulled in by the woman under her. Karin could only stare down at the wide-eyed woman she considered her daughter.

Alarms began to fade as the room filled with the fast, steady sound of a heartbeat. Karin pulled in a shuddery breath, a tear falling from her cheek and landing on the Commander’s. “Survive, baby girl,” Karin whispered emotionally.

Jane blinked, “I did, Momma,” she replied, her voice rough from disuse. “I did.”

Karin did the only thing that came to mind in that moment. She hugged Jane as relief fluttered through her body, soft sobs barely muffled by red hair. Joy quickly filled her heart as the once sleeping beauty wrapped her weak arms around Karin’s back. Cheers filled the room as the souls of the rooms occupants once again came to life.


	13. Chapter 13

Before she could take in the room and her situation, Miranda was kicking everyone out. “She has months of buildup on her teeth. Let her shower and brush her teeth then you can all see her.”

“Will I even be able to stand to shower?” Shepard asked. She had been in a wheelchair for months.

“Yes, your cybernetics rebuilt your muscles and kept them from going into atrophy. You will be stiff, but you have all your movement,” Miranda told her as she darkened the medbay windows and helped her strip.

“How long Miranda?”

The woman sighed. “Months, Shepard.”

She’d lost more time. But she was alive. She’d survived. Thanks to Miranda.

Her shower was quick, even if it was the first real one in a year. There were people waiting to see her. Her crew. She was almost whole again.

“Send in Hackett first, I’m sure I gave him quite the scare. Last thing I remember is falling asleep next to him,” Shepard told Miranda as the woman combed her hair. Long hair.

“He awakened to you in a coma, I’d say he was more than scared, Shepard.”

“Better than waking to me dead,” she muttered.

“I’ll go get a sitrep on everything and work on getting you home while the family visits with you.”

“Miri, you’re my family too,” Shepard said as she gripped the raven haired woman’s arm. “John would have been absolutely entranced by you,” she admitted with a small smile before limping forward to wrap the woman in a hug. “I’m glad to call you sister.”

“And I’m honored to be part of your family, Shepard.”

Miranda helped Shepard to a lone chair in the corner of the room. It didn’t look very comfortable, but it would be better than the table she’d been on. She took in the view of the presidium as Miranda left the room.

It was seconds before the door opened again. “Jane,” he breathed.

“Sir,” she replied cheekily, his groan making her smile. “Come here, I’m not used to walking.” The closer he got, the more she noticed. He looked like shit. “Get down here to my level.”

“It’s not professional ordering your commanding officer about, Jane.”

“It’s not polite making a sore woman look up at you, Steven,” she returned.

“Are you okay?” He asked her quietly as he knelt in front of her. She opened her knees to give him more space.

Her smile was small as she traced his scar. His eyes closed and his breath hitched. “I dreamed of you.” She swallowed as his tear hit her finger, his hands moving to her knees to steady himself. “I remember exactly how I gave this to you.” She cupped his face, “Open your eyes, it’s been so long since I got to see colors.”

“Any other demands?” He asked her as he obeyed, the glacier blue of his eyes shown with increased intensity from the unshed tears.

She smirked as she unbuttoned his uniform top just to see if the N7 pin was there over his heart. It was. “I’d love some coffee,” she told him. “But that can wait until I’m home. For now, I have a personal question, if you’d be willing?” She rested her palm over her pin that lay over his heart.

“Okay.”

“Will I need to retire for you to kiss me?” She asked him. “I know we’re both attached to the regs...”

“I think that a _living_ legend can have anyone she chooses,” he informed her, his voice rough with emotion.

“And if I choose you?” She asked him as she slowly pulled him toward her, his hands sliding up her thighs.

“No retirement needed, Jane,” he answered.

After years of wanting more than she could have, she finally got to taste him. His arm wrapped around her back, a hand in her wet hair as he changed the angle and slipped his tongue into her mouth. Their bodies shuddered together, their sighs muffled.

Shepard stiffened when the cat-calls reached her ears. Laughter and applause echoed throughout the room as the pair parted. She hadn’t even heard the door open.

“I do believe it’s their turn to see their Commander,” Hackett told her, his voice filled with humor as a blush covered her cheeks. “You should find out how soon we can start on that dozen mini-Shepard’s that you wanted.” Her laughter was rough and free as he stood, bringing her to her feet with him. “I do believe today calls for meatloaf,” he said as he looked down at her. “Don’t you think?”

“Definitely.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love to my beta! 
> 
> Thanks to all reading/commenting and leaving kudos, ya'll are awesome!
> 
> * * *

In the six months since she’d awakened on that table, Shepard had managed to turn her once lonely apartment into a home. Though she was sure Steven and Grunt had a lot to do with it.

The old trinket box from her childhood had appeared on her nightstand one day, a box of various things on the floor.

Inside the box was her parents wedding bands. Gold and plain, nothing special except for who once wore them. There was an old Alliance charm that Jane had bought John for his sixteenth birthday. The sight of the gift almost broke her, but she pushed forward. Jane knew how much John had loved the small trinket. She’d had to take extra shifts at the small commissary so the owner would sell it to her.

There were old holos of the twins first loves, though John’s was replaced almost monthly. Shepard chuckled at the memory. There were holos of their family, awards won at science fairs and school competitions.

“Jane?”

“Hmm?” She asked, not bothering to look up at the man that shared this bedroom with her. A cup of coffee was pushed into her line of sight, her hum of pleasure genuine as the aroma tickled her nose. “Marry me,” she whispered as her fingers took the cup from him.

“Yes,” he answered. “Unless you were proposing to the coffee?”

She snorted as she set the cup aside. “Come here, I want to check something.” She scooped her father’s wedding band from the box before setting the old metal tin aside. It was easy to take his hand, he never fought her touch. He simply soaked up all she gave him. Jane slid the band over his finger, passing the knuckle. “Perfect fit,” she whispered. “I know it doesn’t look like much…”

“It’s perfect, Jane,” he interrupted. “An honor.”

“I doubt my mother’s fits me,” she said as he reached into the box. But she was happily surprised again. It was a _perfect_ fit.

_“Do you think we’ll find someone to love us like that?”_

_“Yes.”_

John’s voice echoed in her ears as tears fell from her cheeks. Hackett held her as she mourned her twin. Her best friend. She would never stop mourning him, she knew that. Because a part of her was missing, a very important part. They may not have looked much alike, but their souls were shared.

* * *

Dinner around her large table was loud. She understood why Hannah had loved it so much. If the walls could burst at the seams from the love in the room, they would.

Laughter echoed as stories were told. Zaeed told most of the stories, naturally. His new partner, Steve Cortez had no problem calling him a liar. They were an unlikely pair, but Shepard didn’t doubt how much they cared for each other.

“Mother?”

Then there was her son, Shepard couldn’t be more proud of the young krogan. “Yes, Son?”

“Are you well?”

Jane smiled. Grunt had become protective since he’d moved in. “Actually, I had an appointment with Miranda today to see if I could bear children.” She heard her fiancé inhale, his hand grasping hers as he impatiently waited for an answer. “It turns out it was unnecessary.”

“Why?” Grunt asked breaking the tense silence that descended over the room.

“Because I’m already pregnant,” she told them, her hand turning in Hackett’s to lace her fingers with his before meeting his gorgeous blue eyes. “With twins.”

“Twins?” Hackett asked roughly. “We’re having twins?”

“Yes we are,” she answered. “In about seven months.”

The apartment hadn’t been this quiet in months. The first to break the silence was Garrus.

“Let’s discuss security,” the turian said addressing the others at the table. Shepard chuckled softly. Leave it to the one person who was so much like John to worry about security.

The only person missing was David but Hackett assured her that the surgery went well earlier in the week and he’d been transferred to Miranda’s care earlier in the afternoon. He’d been lucky to survive.

The galaxy was coming together again after so long of barely getting by once the war ended.

“I’d like to go see dad,” she whispered to Steven.

Hackett checked his omnitool before nodding to her. “After your coffee.”

“Better switch to decaf, love,” she called as he left the table. “Can’t have your twins being addicted to caffeine fresh out of the womb!”

“It’s already in their blood, Jane,” Steven answered as he reentered the dining room. “Now drink so we can go tell my future father-in-law slash old best friend the news.”

Shepard sighed as she inhaled the scent wafting up with the steam. “Marry me,” she whispered to the handsome man over the rim of the mug.

“Always.”

 

** EPILOGUE – 5 Years later **

 

They say he was one of the most distinguished Alliance members, but he disagreed. They say Commander Shepard was the most distinguished Special Forces. Steven agreed, but Jane did not.

_Our most successful adventure has just began. And it will be the one thing we do that will affect others more than any wars we’ve won in either of our careers._

She’d been talking about parenting. Raising a new generation. 

Commander Shepard had retired during her pregnancy. 

Admiral Steven Hackett moved his temporary office to the embassies while he selected a replacement for himself. He wasn’t naïve enough to think there wouldn’t be calls to them both in a time of need. But after all the years of pining for the woman that was currently moving through yoga stretches, he couldn’t help but be excited for their retired future together. 

A new life for them both.

“Dad, why is Hannah doing that?”

_That_ happened to be yoga. “She’s moving through her stretches like your mom is, John.”

“But _why_?” Jane had found family holo’s in the box Miranda had given her years ago. Steven couldn’t get over how much John Benjamin Shepard-Hackett looked like his namesake. 

“Because it’s part of her physical therapy.”

Anytime Steven worried little Miss Hannah was going to hurt herself, Jane just smirked at him and told him to let her learn. That learning had resulted in Hannah jumping off of the second floor railing and breaking her leg. Hannah had missed out on a dance recital she had been practicing for. The little red head had been devastated.

It ended up with Jane being right, naturally. Though Steven wished it hadn’t had to have such a serious injury to get the point across to the mini Shepard. Hannah looked just like her mother. And acted like her too if he was honest. But the conversation he overheard between mother and daughter had made his heart flutter, simply because it was almost identical to the one he gave her after she’d tried to push herself too hard in the beginning of biotic training. 

_You have to know your limits, Jane. You can’t push yourself and expect immediate results. We all learn little by little. We all get strong little by little. But you have to be patient. One day you’ll be larger than life and too good to be seen with me…_

He was pulled from his memories when a familiar weight slid onto his lap. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Jane asked him. 

“You,” he told her. 

When her lips met his, he couldn’t help but sigh and pull her tight against him. Even with their children pretending to gag at their parents display of affection. 

Jane had a spark in her eyes when they parted. He knew that spark, he’d seen it so many times throughout the years. She was up to something. “What did you do?”

She smirked. “I bought the place next door,” she whispered before giving him a chaste kiss.

“Why?” Steven asked her. 

“We need more room.”

More room? For what? He inhaled sharply and met her eyes. “Exactly how much more room?” he asked roughly. The excitement and awe clogged his throat when she smiled at him. She was absolutely beautiful. 

“Enough for two more mini-Shepard’s,” she told him softly, her eyes portraying her joy with unshed tears.

“Twins? Again?” He whispered, not bothering to hide his emotions from her. “Okay,” he mumbled as he began to start plans in his mind. The walls to the apartment next door would need to be torn through, or at the very least a doorway put in…

“Steven,” she called, her voice holding humor. “You can get with the guys and plan on combining the apartments later. Right now, John has martial arts to attend.”

Martial arts. Ballet. A half-dozen other activities the twins participated and excelled in… Retirement just got a whole hell of a lot more busy. So busy that running the Alliance sounded like a vacation.

“Making plans to leave me?” She asked him as she slid off of his lap before telling the kids to grab their things.

“Never,” he replied with a smile. She could read him so easily. “I wouldn’t mind taking you upstairs for a bit though.”

“That’s how we got two sets of twins, Steven, or have you already forgot?”

“You did say you wanted at least a dozen.”

Her laugh warmed his heart, it always had. “I think four will do. Maybe six. We’ll just have to see where life takes us.”

“I think tonight calls for meatloaf,” he said as the kids rejoined them.

“Yes! Dad’s meatloaf is the best!” Hannah exclaimed.

“I didn’t realize we had a victory to celebrate,” Jane teased as she ushered the twins towards the door.

“Every day with you is a victory for me, Jane,” he told her. “Every cup of coffee, every bark of laughter, every little memory that comes to mind…” Tears filled her eyes as she stood dumbfounded in the doorway. “Every second of every day,” he whispered before kissing her.

“Do you think someone will love us like that?” Hannah whispered.

“Yes,” John replied. “Yes, I do.”


End file.
